Freedom

"Want to join me?" , He asked as they reached the Station.

"Not today, You proceed with your pilgrimage." She replied.
"Its my turn to prepare food tonite at my room. Bye. "

"Bye, See you tomorrow." He said, watching her leave by the train.

He walked towards the sea shore. As the cool sea breeze ruffled his hair he started humming a song. Five minutes later he was on the sea shore. He liked the cool breeze.He squatted on the moist sand looking towards the sea.

"Shit!! Life Sucks !!" He said.

He saw the couple next to him cuddling up to each other.It was Valentine's day.
Turning his head he saw the bright city lights adorning the sea shore.

"Its over.". He thought.
"The dream for which i lived the year like a dog is over ." He felt anger on himself and his fate.

It had been an year since he had come to the city. He had got job in a company. They pay was decent, not too lavish, but for a fresher was good.

One month into the job and he hated it. He loathed about it to his friend, a bald guy whom he had befriended while having dinner in the canteen of the company.

"I can't do this work for long. I have to get out of here." He said to his friend.
"The only guy who knows something about computers in my office is me. I did not waste 4 years in college to fix a goddamn network cable. Today the bloody manager was shouting at me because his computer did not startup. A***** had forgotten to turn on the monitor. B*******!! An imbecile commerce graduate shouting at me. "

"What are you going to do?Leave the job?" His friend asked

"Nope. I am going to give the Exam. Along with this job."

" And where is the time to study for it? You leave at 9 in the morning, travel for an hour.
Finish you work at 9. Travel back for an hour. Where is the time ? For cracking the exam, u need time and brains. I am not too sure about the second part but u are definitely short on the first one".

"I will give it my best shot. " He replied.

"Do you understand that even if you clear the Exam there will be an interview for the Institute. If u fail in any of these it will be a huge heart break for you, AND you would have wasted an year by that time. "

"I said that i will give it my best shot. I don't care what toll it takes on me."

He bought the books and started practicing for the exam. He stayed at home on all weekends and studied for the exam.And on weekdays he forced himself to remain awake at night as long as possible to prepare for the exam.

After the exam, his friend asked "Do u think u can crack it?"

"I don't care. I don't care whether i crack it or not. I know this is my best shot. I could not have worked harder than this."

One month later the results were declared. He got an interview call from the institute.

"Happy ?" His friend asked, seeing the interview call letter.
"Not until i get out of here. The more i stay the more frustrated i am ." He replied.

On the eve of the interview, his friend said,"Well mate! You have reached this far. But there is some distance you need to go. Don't falter now."
"Failure is not an option that i have,"was all he could say.

The interview was a disaster. His confidence failed him when he most needed it. He could not answer some really simple questions put to him.He was sure that had they asked him his name, he could not have answered that too..

That had happened a day back.He turned to see the couple next him leaving.

"Now what do i do ? Damn. I hate this. End it all, right now."

He closed his eyes. He heard the sea coming towards him.Then it struck him.He could feel the cold water touching his feet, as though daring him to do what he had been thinking. He felt the cold,salty seawater go thru his nose and then his lungs and then......... Darkness....
The wave had completely drenched him.

He saw his dream clearly. He heard a voice in the back of the head ,

"What u wish for, u may never get. But take pride in the fact that you worked your ass off for it. Life is not a bed of roses, but its not a bed of thorns either. Concept called as fate does not exist. The hard work that u put in decides your fate. One failure does not determine the life. Fight, because thats the only thing that u know."

He could see all the events that had occured as a connected web.

"If you had not got the job, you would never have tried for the exam, leave alone clear it. Thats an achievement in itself. Let bygones be bygones. Forget the past.
Don't keeping thinking about it. Everything happens for a reason. Free yourself of your fears, frustration and the past.Live for the future. Never lose one thing that is yours and yours alone... HOPE.. "

He opened his eyes. He saw a bright star on the sky staring down on him.He realised he had been lying on the beach and the water had completely drenched him. He stood up and took a deep breath. His felt as though some thing really heavy was off his heart. He went home and slept peacefully.

The next day he got a mail. He went to his boss and said "I am quitting."
"Why?"
"I got an offer to work in a project with the institute ."
"You decide to leave a job for a part-time project. Have you gone mad? The salary you will be getting is not even half of what you are getting here."

"Yes. I know. But i will be happy."

Crush.... LOVE...... :)

"Are you over with your crush? " Arun asked me, as we were on our way to our respective departments on Valentine's Day.

"Ya man!!! Crushes come and go. I am now in LOVE. " , getting down from my cycle, I replied.

"How is it ? ", he asked.

"Can't get it out of my head ", was all I could mumble.

"Is it that good ?"

"Yeah!!!!,Bye, See ya later" , I parked my cycle and went off.

Urban dictionary describes :

CRUSH :

1. the act of falling hard for someone even though it isn't love yet
2. a precursor to love
3. an amazing thing that gives you feelings of nerves and excitement whenever you see them


LOVE :
A pleasant thought in a world filled with terrible ideals.

The "CRUSH" that Arun was referring to was a song "Zombie".
Zombie is a song by the Irish band Cranberries about the conflicts in north ireland.The video contains the band's lead singer (Dolores O'Riordan) covered with golden paint and surrounded by children with bow and arrow in hand.

I lost count of number of times i heard that song. The song kept haunting me. It "got-stuck-in-mah-head" . I was unable to forget it,no matter what i did. Even in loo i kept humming "In your heeeaad ... Zombie.. zombie... yeah ..yeah.."

And the guy in the adjacent loo would shout "Ae..Be-suure... Band kar re."

Fits in perfectly with the meaning given above for CRUSH. A friend of mine got so obsessed with the song that he kept it as his caller tune. And we used to call his number from my phone and sing along(much to the dismay of the inmates of our hostel) as the tune played... It stayed in my head for quite some time.

But the moment i heard this wonderful piece of music everything else i have ever heard till now vanished into oblivion.

The LOVE that I was referring to were the songs from the movie "Morning Raga".
The ultimate hero in the movie is its music. I have no knowledge of carnatic music, but the movie made me a fan.

There are no new songs composed for the movie. All the songs are traditional songs well known in telugu(samaja Vara Gamana) and Kannada(Jagado Dharana).Set to music by Mani Sharma and Amit Heri, the traditional melodies are given a contemporary Western touch and twist, with liberal usage of the guitar,violin, drums and the keyboard.

There are 3 main songs that i LOVE in the movie..

Mahaganapatim : This song appears twice in the album, and guitars and drums aid the traditional accompaniments of mridingam and violin. In the movie, at the end of the song Shabana Azmi stops the drummer and she sings some svaras(apologies for the word,but i don't know what its actually called) and then looks at him, as though challenging him to play what she just finished singing. The drummer looks dazed.

Jagado Dharana: Sung by Bombay Jayshree and nandini sarkar.Halfway thru there is a wonderful piece of music,just featuring the violin. .Towards the end, the songis replete with Chittaiswarams (rapid fire surs) and very fluid movements of the words.

Thaye Yashoda : The climax of the film revolves around this song, and it is a sort of jugalbandhi between Shabana Azmi and Perizaad Zorabian. Beautifully sung by Sudha Raghunathan, her voice is amazing, being high pitched and booming at the same time. The violin has been put to an astonishing effect, using short and harsh strokes, in the beginning, and throughout the song. The violin is played like a guitar..

There are other songs like The Charminar which is a composition consisting only of Veena played by Rajesh Vaidya.

For the first time in my life i lamented the fact that i could neither sing nor play any musical instrument....


"Wait !! Why do you say these songs are so good?" Arun challenged me, as i was leaving.

"Tell you what!! Do one thing. Search for Morning Raga in the LAN. Download the songs "Jagado Dharana and Thaye Yashoda AND THEN get back to me. " I replied...