Movies - I hate

Partner - 2007

Cast - Salman, Govinda, Katrina Kaif, Lara Dutta
Director - David Dhawan

Indian Economy is booming !!!!. People have too much money and just don't know where to throw it.

I usually avoid movies that have words like "comedy" and "Salman khan" together. The only movie that has this combination of words that i love watching over and over again is "Andaz Apna Apna" . But that was before he acquired the itch to remove his clothes once every 15 minutes. I think he removes his clothes because he sweats too much and his body gets itchy. If there were an award for Best over acting performance no other actor would come within a mile of beating him. Being a Loveguru, he dishes out fundaes to guys regarding how to pataofy a girl. So much so that, it is his only profession. The initial scenes in, which he tries to avoid Govinda and "tries" to get angry at him are so pathetic, u feel that you are watching some dude fresh out of the modelling industry trying his hand at the films.

The film also features a missile scene. A missile locks on to Salman Khan's ass and is hell bent on whopping it. The purpose of this scene ??? ... Lets forget that!!

This movie features the famous Govinda- David Dhawan combination after a long time ( last one being ek aur ek gyarah in 2003). The combination was one of the reasons i wanted to see the movie, the other being Katrina. Govinda tries to do justice to his image as a comedy actor, but the pathetically written script successfully denies him any such attempt.

Raj Pal Yadav, plays "Chotta Don" (the villian). His presence, like the missile scene is questionable.

Katrina, looks wonderful. She gets to strut her stuff in some really stylish clothes.

Lara datta's performance as a single mother is pretty impressive. Out of the five, hers was the only performance i liked.

But the star of the movie for me remains the child, Ali Haji(the kid from fanaa). His performance steals the show.

This movie will definitely feature in my all time hate list

The theory

"Want to have juice at Gurunath?" Arun asked me.

"Of course!! If u are sponsoring." I replied.

As we sat at Gurunath sipping, Arun looked at the mango juice and remarked.
"Hmmm, This is really good. Its an actual mango juice.This reminds me of something. Tell me who spoke these lines".
"Have you ever stood and stared at it, marveled at it's beauty, it's genius?"

I had no clue what he was talking of.

".....Billions of people just living out their lives, oblivious..."

"What !!! " I said.

The parrot in him continued "......I'd like to share a revelation during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. ..."

These lines sounded a bit familiar..

"......Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed....."

"I think I know this." I said.

".....The only way you can survive is to spread to another area...... "

"Ah!!! Got it!! Its Agent Smith. The Matrix " I said.

"........There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You are a plague, and we are the cure." He finished.
"Man! I am a fan of that guy. I would love to be a virus." Arun said.

"Aha! Then you would have no use of the women, if can multiply by yourself" I said.

"Multiplying is a side effect. Its nature's way of forcing you to create by-products when you don't want to, luring you into certain acts." He remarked philosophically with a mischevious smile on his face.

"If that is the case, then consider the following scenario. The human population has been continuously on the rise . So if we assume that the nature can stabilise itself then nature must be doing something to reduce this mutiplying byproduct effect. " I said.

"May be thats why more and more number of people are getting attracted to their own gender. Maybe its nature's way of reducing the human population.... Hmmm...I guess we have some sort of a theory here." He said.

"I believe that the human body is the hardware and the DNA is the software. I think that the nature has been doing quite a lot of software updates . I call Evolution to be a series of such software updates. Being the "differently inclined person" or not depends on your genes. "

"You mean that some people are born like that??" He asked.

"I think i read this somewhere. Do a google search." I said

"Hmm.. That means that nature continues the software updates and if the human population continues to increase, then more and more number of the species turn into "differently inclined ppl" and eventually the race will be wiped out." He said.

"Now, we have a theory."

The First time

"Have you gone mad? Its 12'o clock and now u want to eat breakfast ?? " Shyam asked.

"Yup" , I replied."We go to Gurunath, eat something there and THEN we proceed to mess for lunch. "

" I don't want to eat anything at Gurunath." He said.

As we entered boundary of Gurunath, I saw a lady sitting there.

"Who is she?" I asked.

"Saw her in the line for Phd registration yesterday." He replied.

I bought a GOODDAY biscuit packet and a coffee and went to one of the tables. I strategically chose the table such that it was close the one in which she was sitting.
Her mobile rang. She picked it up and started talking.

"OH MY GOD!!" I said.

"What is it?" He asked.

"She's talking in Gujarati. Aha. Now... I have a chance. I yam going to go and talk to her." I said.

"If u get beaten up, then remember that i am not with you." He said.

Gathering all the guts that I got up and walked towards her table. I felt something strange in my stomach and remembered that i was hungry. She looked up and saw me walking towards her. I sat in front of her and said "Are you a gujju?"

"Yes." (Aha ... my pickup line worked.. now i need to steer the conversation slowly and get her number )

"Which place ?"

"Ahmedabad."

"What a coincidence. I also happen to be from ahmedabad." (Yes!!!)

"Which college?"

"I finished my Mtech from L.D. Joining here for Ph.d. What about you?"

"I did my B.tech from Nirma."

"Oh!! Nirma..." (She's going to say something)

"Then you must be knowing my husband."

"H-H-Hus-HUSBAND????" I stammered.

"He was a lecturer there in the civil engineering dept."

"How do u find chennai? It must be difficult for you." (one last try!!)

"I have been living here for the past two years. My husband shifted here two years back."

"See you around." I said.

Cursing my extremely Bad luck(and her husband) i returned back to my table.

"Good that you did not get beaten up. What happened?" Shyam asked.

"Forget it. Lets go for lunch."

The Treasure Hunt

Chapter 1 : The deception

Date :16/03/2007
Time : 21.30 PM

Grrrrr...Grrrr...
I felt my mobile phone vibrating in my pocket. I pulled it out. "Ashish calling" it blinked..

"Abe kahan hai tu? Wo aayi hui hai. Main guide ke saath busy tha isliye maine Pondy ko use receive karne bheja. Saala! tab se dikh nahi raha " He said.
"GADHE!! Tune usko kyon bheja. Mereko kyon nahi phone kiya ? Tu idhar aa. Apan millke usko doondhte hain" I screamed.

I went inside the hostel. Tiwari said " Abe, Pondy ko maal ke saath ghoomte dekha."

Ashish came. I said " Call laga us bandi ko aur pooch ki kahan hai vo?"
He said " Call nahi lag raha"

I messaged Pondy "Where are you?"
He messaged back "I will reply after some time. Right now i am busy".
"Saala mota!" I muttered.

I met Benson in the corridor . He said "Abe, kya mast bandi ghoom rahi hai Pondy ke saath. Vahi hai kya?"
I said " kahan pe?" ."Volleyball court"

I along with Ashish travelled through our hostel volleyball, football and basketball courts. Still no sign of Pondy..

I said " Saala!! Gurunath gaya hoga."

Ashish said "Chodna, hostel me hi kahin hoga...."

I said " Ab to treasure hunt shuru hua hai..." :)

Chapter 2 : The bait

Date 16/03/2007
Time : 13.00 Pm

I was having my lunch. Pondy and Ashish came in the mess.
Ashish said "Shit yaar! Do extra coupon ke paise dene padenge"

"Kyon?"

"Maine Pondy ke saath shart lagaya. Tu usko jake Hostel nite ke liye invite kar. Yeh uske office me ghus gaya aur baat karne laga. Aur fir usko invite kar diya. Vo boli ki vo apne colleague ke saath ayegi. "

After the lunch ,Ashish took me aside and said "Pondy pe bharosa nahi hai. Khud ghus ke baat kar liya. Jab vo aayegi to sab usko gher ke khade rahenge.. Do coupon ke paise nikal raha hoon. Adha ghanta bhi baat nahi kiya to kaise chalega? Tu uske saath hi rehna ".

I nodded the head and said "Theek"


Chapter 3 : The Final Chapter

The hostel nite began. I received several prizes because I happened to participate in events wherein only a handful of others participated. Little did I know that my friends were about to give me the biggest prize of the day..

Just as the dinner got over I received Ashish's call.
After scanning the whole hostel thrice. Totally frustrated at not having seen a glimpse of her i reached the cricket ground.

"Oye, udhar kya kar raha hai. Upar aa na" Shyam said.

I looked up. He was sitting on top of the mess. A place where u can reach only by jumping off the first floor. Having nothing else to do and totally angered at Pondy i decided to go up.I climbed up the first floor and jumped. I went and sat next to Shyam.

"Pondy dikha to saale ki ***** marloonga.." I said.
"Pitne vala hai bahut buri tarah se.. Saala, mere ko double cross karta hai!!!" I rambled on..

Just then i heard a noise behind me..I saw Pondy run from behind me and jump up the first floor.. I saw a smile on his face.

"Damn!! These guys never met her. They never invited her. The whole plan was to fool me.. " The truth dawned upon me..

Pondy came. "Agle dus din tak dikhna nahi. Mar jayega varna mere hathon " I said

Next day Ashish asked "Lekin ek baat samajh me nahi aayi. Teri itni jali kyon???"

Pondy Said" Ayyar ko Cauvery Nite ka sab se bada KELA diya jaata hai ".

Freedom

"Want to join me?" , He asked as they reached the Station.

"Not today, You proceed with your pilgrimage." She replied.
"Its my turn to prepare food tonite at my room. Bye. "

"Bye, See you tomorrow." He said, watching her leave by the train.

He walked towards the sea shore. As the cool sea breeze ruffled his hair he started humming a song. Five minutes later he was on the sea shore. He liked the cool breeze.He squatted on the moist sand looking towards the sea.

"Shit!! Life Sucks !!" He said.

He saw the couple next to him cuddling up to each other.It was Valentine's day.
Turning his head he saw the bright city lights adorning the sea shore.

"Its over.". He thought.
"The dream for which i lived the year like a dog is over ." He felt anger on himself and his fate.

It had been an year since he had come to the city. He had got job in a company. They pay was decent, not too lavish, but for a fresher was good.

One month into the job and he hated it. He loathed about it to his friend, a bald guy whom he had befriended while having dinner in the canteen of the company.

"I can't do this work for long. I have to get out of here." He said to his friend.
"The only guy who knows something about computers in my office is me. I did not waste 4 years in college to fix a goddamn network cable. Today the bloody manager was shouting at me because his computer did not startup. A***** had forgotten to turn on the monitor. B*******!! An imbecile commerce graduate shouting at me. "

"What are you going to do?Leave the job?" His friend asked

"Nope. I am going to give the Exam. Along with this job."

" And where is the time to study for it? You leave at 9 in the morning, travel for an hour.
Finish you work at 9. Travel back for an hour. Where is the time ? For cracking the exam, u need time and brains. I am not too sure about the second part but u are definitely short on the first one".

"I will give it my best shot. " He replied.

"Do you understand that even if you clear the Exam there will be an interview for the Institute. If u fail in any of these it will be a huge heart break for you, AND you would have wasted an year by that time. "

"I said that i will give it my best shot. I don't care what toll it takes on me."

He bought the books and started practicing for the exam. He stayed at home on all weekends and studied for the exam.And on weekdays he forced himself to remain awake at night as long as possible to prepare for the exam.

After the exam, his friend asked "Do u think u can crack it?"

"I don't care. I don't care whether i crack it or not. I know this is my best shot. I could not have worked harder than this."

One month later the results were declared. He got an interview call from the institute.

"Happy ?" His friend asked, seeing the interview call letter.
"Not until i get out of here. The more i stay the more frustrated i am ." He replied.

On the eve of the interview, his friend said,"Well mate! You have reached this far. But there is some distance you need to go. Don't falter now."
"Failure is not an option that i have,"was all he could say.

The interview was a disaster. His confidence failed him when he most needed it. He could not answer some really simple questions put to him.He was sure that had they asked him his name, he could not have answered that too..

That had happened a day back.He turned to see the couple next him leaving.

"Now what do i do ? Damn. I hate this. End it all, right now."

He closed his eyes. He heard the sea coming towards him.Then it struck him.He could feel the cold water touching his feet, as though daring him to do what he had been thinking. He felt the cold,salty seawater go thru his nose and then his lungs and then......... Darkness....
The wave had completely drenched him.

He saw his dream clearly. He heard a voice in the back of the head ,

"What u wish for, u may never get. But take pride in the fact that you worked your ass off for it. Life is not a bed of roses, but its not a bed of thorns either. Concept called as fate does not exist. The hard work that u put in decides your fate. One failure does not determine the life. Fight, because thats the only thing that u know."

He could see all the events that had occured as a connected web.

"If you had not got the job, you would never have tried for the exam, leave alone clear it. Thats an achievement in itself. Let bygones be bygones. Forget the past.
Don't keeping thinking about it. Everything happens for a reason. Free yourself of your fears, frustration and the past.Live for the future. Never lose one thing that is yours and yours alone... HOPE.. "

He opened his eyes. He saw a bright star on the sky staring down on him.He realised he had been lying on the beach and the water had completely drenched him. He stood up and took a deep breath. His felt as though some thing really heavy was off his heart. He went home and slept peacefully.

The next day he got a mail. He went to his boss and said "I am quitting."
"Why?"
"I got an offer to work in a project with the institute ."
"You decide to leave a job for a part-time project. Have you gone mad? The salary you will be getting is not even half of what you are getting here."

"Yes. I know. But i will be happy."

Crush.... LOVE...... :)

"Are you over with your crush? " Arun asked me, as we were on our way to our respective departments on Valentine's Day.

"Ya man!!! Crushes come and go. I am now in LOVE. " , getting down from my cycle, I replied.

"How is it ? ", he asked.

"Can't get it out of my head ", was all I could mumble.

"Is it that good ?"

"Yeah!!!!,Bye, See ya later" , I parked my cycle and went off.

Urban dictionary describes :

CRUSH :

1. the act of falling hard for someone even though it isn't love yet
2. a precursor to love
3. an amazing thing that gives you feelings of nerves and excitement whenever you see them


LOVE :
A pleasant thought in a world filled with terrible ideals.

The "CRUSH" that Arun was referring to was a song "Zombie".
Zombie is a song by the Irish band Cranberries about the conflicts in north ireland.The video contains the band's lead singer (Dolores O'Riordan) covered with golden paint and surrounded by children with bow and arrow in hand.

I lost count of number of times i heard that song. The song kept haunting me. It "got-stuck-in-mah-head" . I was unable to forget it,no matter what i did. Even in loo i kept humming "In your heeeaad ... Zombie.. zombie... yeah ..yeah.."

And the guy in the adjacent loo would shout "Ae..Be-suure... Band kar re."

Fits in perfectly with the meaning given above for CRUSH. A friend of mine got so obsessed with the song that he kept it as his caller tune. And we used to call his number from my phone and sing along(much to the dismay of the inmates of our hostel) as the tune played... It stayed in my head for quite some time.

But the moment i heard this wonderful piece of music everything else i have ever heard till now vanished into oblivion.

The LOVE that I was referring to were the songs from the movie "Morning Raga".
The ultimate hero in the movie is its music. I have no knowledge of carnatic music, but the movie made me a fan.

There are no new songs composed for the movie. All the songs are traditional songs well known in telugu(samaja Vara Gamana) and Kannada(Jagado Dharana).Set to music by Mani Sharma and Amit Heri, the traditional melodies are given a contemporary Western touch and twist, with liberal usage of the guitar,violin, drums and the keyboard.

There are 3 main songs that i LOVE in the movie..

Mahaganapatim : This song appears twice in the album, and guitars and drums aid the traditional accompaniments of mridingam and violin. In the movie, at the end of the song Shabana Azmi stops the drummer and she sings some svaras(apologies for the word,but i don't know what its actually called) and then looks at him, as though challenging him to play what she just finished singing. The drummer looks dazed.

Jagado Dharana: Sung by Bombay Jayshree and nandini sarkar.Halfway thru there is a wonderful piece of music,just featuring the violin. .Towards the end, the songis replete with Chittaiswarams (rapid fire surs) and very fluid movements of the words.

Thaye Yashoda : The climax of the film revolves around this song, and it is a sort of jugalbandhi between Shabana Azmi and Perizaad Zorabian. Beautifully sung by Sudha Raghunathan, her voice is amazing, being high pitched and booming at the same time. The violin has been put to an astonishing effect, using short and harsh strokes, in the beginning, and throughout the song. The violin is played like a guitar..

There are other songs like The Charminar which is a composition consisting only of Veena played by Rajesh Vaidya.

For the first time in my life i lamented the fact that i could neither sing nor play any musical instrument....


"Wait !! Why do you say these songs are so good?" Arun challenged me, as i was leaving.

"Tell you what!! Do one thing. Search for Morning Raga in the LAN. Download the songs "Jagado Dharana and Thaye Yashoda AND THEN get back to me. " I replied...